Grabbing Hold
by Tiikeria
Summary: PRE HBP He wants to die. Who will save his broken soul...R&R! COMPLETE
1. Harry's POV

**_Grabbing Hold_**

**_Artimis Dreamstar_**

**………………………………………………………………………………………………**

I want to die.

Yes, the Savior of the Wizarding World wants to die.

No, not because my godfather died.

Okay, so that's part of it.

I'm so alone.

A waste of space.

I have no one to turn to.

No one to talk to.

No one to save me from the most deadly of enemies.

Myself.

They all think my life is perfect.

They all want to be me.

I wish I could trade them.

The people who I call my friends are jealous of me.

Why?

Because I'm famous and rich.

I don't want it.

Any of it.

Little do they know.

I'm jealous of them.

They have the two things I want most.

Family and love.

My family's dead so there goes that.

Nobody could love me.

Not a murderer like me.

I murdered my parents.

I murdered Cedric.

I murdered Sirius.

I murdered everyone who died in the second rise of Voldemort.

It's all my fault they're dead.

That's why I want to die.

So now you know why I have a knife pointing to my heart.

I'm done.

Finished.

I'm dieing tonight.

Fuck the prophecy.

Fuck Voldemort.

I want out.

And I'm getting that wish tonight

Ever since Sirius died I was hollow.

And cold.

Unfeeling.

Now I will feel again.

Shit, I have to do this now.

Someone's coming up the stairs.

Right for the door.

My mind is screaming at me to do it now.

I can't.

I can't move my hands.

I close my eyes.

The door opens.

I hear it.

There was a feminine scream of my name.

Now the knife is gone.

No! I want to yell.

But I can't.

I can't find my voice.

I open my eyes.

My best friends stand before me.

They look sad.

'Why?' Hermione asks me.

I answer truthfully.

'Because I want to.'

'Because I want to give up.'

She kneels down on the floor in front of me.

She takes my hand in hers.

Why?

Why is she being nice?

Why isn't she angry?

I would be angry.

If I could feel, that is.

'We've always been here for you.' She tells me.

'We've always been here to help.'

Great, she's lecturing me.

The next thing she says stuns me.

'We love you, Harry.'

It can't be true.

No one could love me…

Could they?

I have to make sure.

'Really?' I ask her.

'Yes.'

She says yes.

Well, now I know I can still feel.

Because I feel plenty of shame.

They love me.

And I hurt them.

I look away.

I'm going to cry.

Not now.

Not in front of them.

But I do.

I start crying.

Hermione puts her arms around me.

Soothing me

Comforting me.

I feel Ron's arms too.

They make me feel safe.

They make me feel.

They lay down, taking me with them.

I lay between them.

I'm still crying.

Only it's harder now.

It's more like sobs.

I'm clinging to Hermione.

My lifelines.

My saviors.

My friends.

They hold me as I cry.

Rocking me.

Stroking my hair.

Rubbing my back.

Finally exhaustion sets in.

I'm so tired.

'Don't leave me.' I whisper.

'We won't.' Ron's deep voice.

I still cling to Hermione.

But I feel better.

As I drift off to sleep I realize one thing…

I'm not alone.

**………………………………………………………………………………………………**

_A/N: Did you like it? I have plans for Hermione POV and Ron POV if u want them. Review plz!!!_

_Artimis_


	2. Hermione's POV

**_Grabbing Hold_**

**Hermione's POV**

* * *

I look up from my homework.

Something's wrong, I can feel it.

Though, when is something _not_ wrong?

Between the war…

The fear…

Harry…

Harry. My best friend.

He had been acting strangely.

Must be because of Sirius's death.

I sigh.

My other best friend looks at me.

'Something wrong?' he asks.

Yes something's wrong! Harry's depressed and we're not doing anything about it! I want to say.

But I don't.

'I'm fine.' I say instead.

Ron watches me. He finally says something.

'Let's go talk to Harry. He's probably lonely.'

Maybe he's not as dense as I thought he was.

He gets up and stretches. I follow suit.

We head up to the boy's dorm.

My bad feeling increases.

Ron opens the door.

I expected for Harry to be lying on his bed, thousand yard stare on his face.

He wasn't.

I was in shock a what I saw before me.

'Harry!' I yelled.

Ron acted first.

Throwing himself at Harry, ripping the knife from his hands.

I stare at Harry sadly.

He opens his eyes and I see the blankness in them.

'Why?' was the only thing I could say.

His response catches me off guard.

'Because I want to…Because I want to give up.'

I go to him.

I kneel before him taking his hand in mine.

'We have always been there for you.' I say.

I can't understand why he would do this.

'We have always been there to help.'

I say the truth.

'We love you, Harry.'

Ron stands beside me, I feel him squeeze my shoulder.

'Really?' Harry whispers.

I realize something.

Harry doesn't believe me.

He doesn't believe that we love him.

'Yes.' I answer him.

Within seconds I see emotion on his face.

In his eyes.

Shame. That is what I see.

He looks away from me.

But I see what he's hiding.

Tears.

He's crying.

I sit next to him, wrapping my arms around him.

He buries his head into my shoulder.

Ron sits beside him.

I feel Ron's arms joining mine around Harry.

Harry's anguish filled cries escalate in emotion.

Raw sobs fill the air.

My heart breaks to see such a strong person reduced to this.

Almost likeme and Roncould read each other's minds, we lay down.

Harry easily lays with us.

His cries are still there.

He clings to me like a lifeline.

I probably am to him.

Together Ron and I rock Harry.

I stroke his hair while Ron rubs his back.

He starts to become quiet.

We continue our soothing tactics.

'Don't leave me.' Harry whispers like a frightened child.

My heart breaks again to hear his voice with so much vulnerability in it.

'We won't.' Ron murmurs into Harry's ear.

As we soothe him to sleep I am aware of one thing…

Harry still clings to me.

* * *

A/N: Well chap 2. I liked this one, but not as much as Harry's. Next will be Ron's POV. Thanks to those who reviewed.

Artimis

2-1-05


	3. Ron's POV

Grabbing Hold 

****

Ron's POV 

I stare off into space.

Thinking.

Yes, I do think.

And I don't have the emotional range of a teaspoon either.

Well, when it comes to Hermione…

And Harry…

Harry…

My best mate of six years.

I worry about him.

I know Hermione does too.

He's like my brother.

I wonder if Hermione is having the same bad feeling I have now.

She sighs.

'Something wrong?' I ask.

I mentally answer myself.

Something _is_ wrong.

So many things are wrong right now…

'I'm fine.' She answers me.

I watch her.

That's what I do…

I watch people.

She didn't want to say that.

I know exactly what she wanted to say…

So I say it.

'Let's go talk to Harry. He's probably lonely.'

She gives me a startled look.

See, I'm not as dense as people think.

I just have to watch for a while.

I stand and stretch.

I start towards the boy's dorm.

I know Hermione's following me.

When I touch the doorknob to out dorm, I fill with dread.

Something's wrong on the other side of that door.

And it has to do with Harry.

I open the door.

I'm in shock.

Only Hermione's cry startles me into action.

I threw myself across the room at Harry.

I rip the knife out of his grasp.

A thousand questions run in my head.

Why? What caused him to try this?

Why didn't he ask for help?

We would have helped him.

'Why?' She asks him.

He answers my unspoken question.

'Because I want to…Because I want to give up.'

It pains me to see him like this.

Hermione's knelt beside me…

And in front of our friend…

Our brother…

I have no idea what to say to him.

He's been hurt so many times…

I'm afraid that this time has broken him.

'We've always been there for you.' She tells him.

I still don't understand.

'We've always been there to help.'

I lay my hand on Hermione's shoulder.

'We love you, Harry.'

I squeeze her shoulder as she says this.

I don't miss the look of disbelief in Harry's eyes.

'Really?' He whispers to us.

He looks between us.

Trying to find confirmation that it's not all a joke.

'Yes.' Hermione's soft voice answers.

I see shame…

And tears in Harry's eyes.

He looks away from us.

I learned long ago, that Harry refused to show weakness in front of anybody.

Which meant that he didn't cry in front of anyone.

I don't think he ever has.

He's never had a shoulder to cry on…

Until now.

Hermione pulls him into an embrace.

I watch him bury his head in Hermione's shoulder.

I drop the knife.

I join them, wrapping my own arms around my distraught brother.

He shakes with the force of his anguish.

I start to unconsciously rub his back.

He's finally hit his breaking point.

For six years I've watched Harry bottle his emotions.

For six years I've waited for them to spill over.

Fifth year I knew they were starting to spill…

I knew Harry was trying to build more walls to hold them in…

I knew it was only a matter of time.

I now wish that Harry would have shed some of his emotions…

Then it might not have come to Harry trying to kill himself.

I'm still rubbing his back.

We lay down, pulling the reluctant hero down with us.

The raw sobs hurt me.

I always feel hurt when Harry's hurt.

We start to rock him.

I'm still rubbing his back.

Hermione's stroking his hair.

He starts to quiet.

'Don't leave me.' Harry says desperately.

It sounds like the plea of a frightened child.

'We won't.' I murmur into his ear.

I promise.

As we lay there, holding our brother I become aware of one thing…

Maybe we can still fix him.

A/N: And that's all folks! This is done! Woo-hoo! If you want to read any of my other stories go to **www(dot)moonlight-darkness(dot)tripod(dot)com** That's where I'll be permanently archiving my stories. Thanks for reading!

Artimis

6-30-05


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